The Devil of Bad Days, Malls and Retail Therapy

What. A. Craptastic. Day.

Woke up to ultra-weird not-rain/not-mist/not-fog. We don't get that here often. So my day started off on the 'meh, who cares, I'm rolling over and hitting snooze' page today.

Thanks to my need for more sleep, I ended up not having time to eat at home before work. So, I ate out for breakfast, couldn't face my yogurt and banana so I went out for lunch AND then, I was so tired by the time I got home that I ordered in pizza. I also bought a magazine and chocolate milk (which I really shouldn't drink because it gives me heartburn).

I didn't even want to go shopping but something - maybe it's the retail-therapy-devil that makes me think it'll make me happy but then tortures me later - made me walk to the mall, even though I was in a totally pissy mood and probably was acting like I would throw anyone who looked at me sideways on the subway onto the third rail.

Gah. I am so completely miserable.

The sad thing is, I actually bought something practical, that I actually will use and that I know won't sit in my closet for the rest of eternity as I 'WTF was I thinking?' selection.

I bought myself a new bag of tennis balls (for foot massages) and two 10-pound dumbbells. I figured if I'm going to sit on my ass in front of the tv, I may as well lift weights while I'm doing it. I haven't been hitting the gym lately the way I want to. It's not even that I've lost interest, but I think it's the carbs. I have been craving them so badly recently and I'm feeling really lacklustre and just 'blech'. It's kind of sucking the energy out of my soul, I think.

I don't understand why I shopped when I really didn't want to, though. I wanted to go home, I didn't want to go to the mall, I didn't want to acknowledge the existence of other humans by the time I left to go home. I really just wanted my sofa, my sweatpants and blanket. But I was compelled by some force to go to the mall and feel inadequate about myself.

Must think on this to determine why I felt so crappy and why I let the feelings control my spending. There has to be something more than just a lack of willpower and a moody day.